I deleted a post I put up yesterday. After much thought, I realized it didn’t matter. I had written about a specific incident involving my parents, and how they hurt me, and how they treat me very differently from my three brothers. But it doesn’t matter. They’ll never read what I wrote, and even if they did, they’d never change. Hell, they’d never even accept my version of events. They’d just roll their eyes and say “it’s another of Melinda’s stories” which is what they call everything I ever say, because to them, everything I ever say is just a story that I made up. They will never take responsibility for the relationship that we have, and they will never admit to any fault.
I wish I had a better relationship with my parents, but I don’t, and I can’t. Part of me wants to just say that the past is in the past and I can move on. But I can’t, because it isn’t the past, it continues. This isn’t about my brother Danny and the fallout that still continues from that situation. No, it’s more than that.
When I was a child, they made it clear that I was their least favorite, the one that didn’t matter. That’s fine, that’s their issue, but my issue is that they pull the same playing favorites crap with their grandchildren. They sure do love Wildling, they think she’s the greatest kid ever (or at least, fourth greatest, after Rick’s son and Jack’s two kids). They love my little Wildling. Mellow? I think they know her name. They even look at her a little bit, and will interact with her – as long as Wildling is not around. They make it a point to ignore Mellow in Wildling’s presence. And I just can’t deal with that.
Some of it is probably disappointment – my dad wanted Mellow to be a boy, and he kept saying that throughout my pregnancy, and ‘reassuring me’ that ultrasounds are wrong and she could still have been a boy. Some of it is that they have a finite amount of love to give, and there just isn’t enough leftover for the second-born child of their least favorite offspring. Some of it is just that they don’t see their actions as hurtful to anybody.
I need to stop trying to invest emotionally in a broken relationship. I need to stop letting my parents hurt me. And I need to keep them from hurting my youngest child.