Let’s not talk to adults this way, please

Things that you can say to a baby that you can’t say to anyone else (unless you want to be rude and/or creepy and/or hitting on them):

  1. I just want to eat your toes.
  2. Look at your chunky thighs.  I love your chunky thighs.
  3. How many chins do you have? I need to count them.
  4. I think you pooped yourself. Did you just poop? It smells like you just pooped.
  5. If it will make you stop crying, I’ll stick a boob in your mouth.

    When they get older:

  6. Do you need to pee? You look like you need to pee. Can you please go pee?
  7. Where are your panties? Why aren’t you wearing panties?
  8. If you want to go with me, you have to wear clothes.
  9. Do not eat that!  We don’t eat boogers!  Nooooooooo…

Things toddlers can say that others can’t or shouldn’t (until and unless they are with consenting adults):

  1. I have to take my clothes off to dance!
  2. Can I see your vagina? I want to make sure it’s the same as mine.
  3. I pooped. I need you to wipe my butt.
  4. I’m just gonna get in the shower with you now.
  5. Snuggle with me for five minutes or I’ll scream!
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