Things that you can say to a baby that you can’t say to anyone else (unless you want to be rude and/or creepy and/or hitting on them):
- I just want to eat your toes.
- Look at your chunky thighs. I love your chunky thighs.
- How many chins do you have? I need to count them.
- I think you pooped yourself. Did you just poop? It smells like you just pooped.
- If it will make you stop crying, I’ll stick a boob in your mouth.
When they get older:
- Do you need to pee? You look like you need to pee. Can you please go pee?
- Where are your panties? Why aren’t you wearing panties?
- If you want to go with me, you have to wear clothes.
- Do not eat that! We don’t eat boogers! Nooooooooo…
Things toddlers can say that others can’t or shouldn’t (until and unless they are with consenting adults):
- I have to take my clothes off to dance!
- Can I see your vagina? I want to make sure it’s the same as mine.
- I pooped. I need you to wipe my butt.
- I’m just gonna get in the shower with you now.
- Snuggle with me for five minutes or I’ll scream!